This is the first time I have directed a piece I have been a performer in, and (among many other challenges, my hat off to all the Actor/Directors out there!) one of my biggest challenges in this first week of rehearsals has been asking myself to do things as an actor that make me uncomfortable.
Director Sarah has made some very strong choices about what kind of “evil” Iago is. Choices that are so awesome! in my head and so awesome! for the story-telling and so awesome! for an all-female cast to be taking on the stereo-typical “male violence”. BUT NOT so awesome for Actor Sarah to have to embody.
I have actually succeeded in creeping myself out a few times. It’s great AND terrible all at the same time! I feel a little ‘split-personality’. I’ll go home after a tough rehearsal and have to give myself a pep talk: “Come on, Sarah, take the plunge, take risks, be courageous.” and I find myself arguing back! With myself! “Iago totally wouldn’t do that! Especially not in that scene, that’s a totally public moment!”
I hope I will eventually look back on all this and laugh. Right now I just have to rely on my amazing Assistant Director, Julia, to let me know when I’ve gone off the deep end (and boy do I feel like I have!)